142 - Blogging

A blog (a contraction of the term "web log") is a type of website, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

I started this blogging project on my 46th birthday in order to find something positive in each day of this year.  I do/did not like this age, I have an on-going battle with low self-esteem, and after reading a friend of mine's year long blogging project, felt it might help me with this year.  Until recently, it has.

But the postive for this Sunday -- a lazy, restful day at home, fire in the fireplace and no expectations or responsibilities for today.  I really needed this day.

Unfortunately, I need to blog about a not so positive event that has happened recently.  I have belonged to an organization for a number of years, and to help members communicate, the directors in our area decided it might help to have members on a social networking site.  It is not Facebook, but a smaller, less known site.  At first I resisted.  I did not need to maintain another social networking site, and I feared something like this could backfire.  Eventually, I did set up a page (it's more like MySpace than FB), but linked Blogger and FB to post automatically there so I didn't have to completely maintain two social networking sites.  Well, it seems that some of the organization's members didn't realize that this site is a PUBLIC social networking site that is not run and owned by the organization.  They actually complained that I had daily posts (my blogs).  One of the directors contacted me asking if I could just post once a week instead of every day.

To say I got angry is almost an understatement.  I was floored, and then royally pissed.  I could not believe that I was being asked not to post on a site that is not owned or maintained by the organization.  My answer was an emphatic NO.  But, I took the time to write up step by step instructions (and post them) as to how people could keep my posts from showing up in their inbox on the networking site.  I did not have to do this, but figured I'd help them filter me out so they wouldn't be annoyed.

Then on Wednesday, that site moved and in their server move, my connection from Blogger was lost.  When it reconnected, 23 old posts were reposted.  (Not 150 as I was told.)  I received a WTF email from the director who has been the point person for those complaining.  Yes, the subject of the email was actually WTF.  She said she received 2 phone calls and emails about the old posts.  When I reminded her that I wrote instructions to block me, I was told that they didn't want to do that.  They still wanted to see anything I wrote about the organization and any photos I posted, but they didn't want to know about my cat, dog or my daily life.  At that point, I f'ing gave up.  I said fine, I'll cancel my account on that other networking site.  If my blogs annoy people that much, see ya.  I also asked her not to forward any links to anything I write about the organization or photos.  Her comment was that "one geek to another," she could still take them if I posted them publicly.  When I told her that she obviously didn't realize how angry I was, I was told to put my "big girl pants on" and not to be so childish, have an all of me or none of me attitude.

Well folks, I'm sorry.  But if I'm told that they only want to see what I write about the club or post pictures from meets, they don't want to see anything about my life outside of that, then I feel used.  Right or wrong, that's how it comes across to me.  "We'll use you for what we want, but we don't want to have to see messages in our network site's inbox that you post on a daily basis."

Right now, I don't want to go to another meet.  I'm going to look around the room and think, "Who were the 5 people who were complaining about me?"  Will I be comfortable?  Hell no.  And do these people realize the blood, sweat and tears I've given this organization over the years?  Probably not because I am not as active any longer.  I did tell the president of our organization that if I could change away from this District right now, I would.  That's how hurt and angry I am about it.  Not just that people complained, but how it was handled. 

This whole thing has really caused my self-esteem to take another blow.  Blogging for me is theraputic, even if no one comments.  For whatever reason, keeping a journal never helps me because no one reads it.  This does help me get things out, and since my emphasis is to focus on the positive, it is helping my outlook.

There is a positive in all of this - I no longer have to maintain two different social networking sites.  And I may feel less guilty when my schedule is such that I cannot attend some meets.  My anger will subside, but I'm not sure the hurt and lack of trust will heal as quickly.  I won't stop blogging though because, you know what?  No one has to read it.

TTFN!

Holiday cat ... in honor of my folks arriving in TN to an early snowfall.